Have you ever had one of those days? Sure you have. As my semester finishes soon at USI, I realise once again how much I despise grading. The solution of course, which my students remind me quite often, is to just simply either give them all 'A's or stop giving them assignments. I must admit, it is sometimes a temptation this time of the year.

I started off the semester doing quite well, after my new year resolution of keeping on top of grading. However, as best as my intentions were, I have f...
Continue reading ...

Some of you have wondered what type of thing I am doing with the classes this semester. Here are a couple of posters I have created for an Exhibition of Stefan Sagmeister's work (fictitious). If you are unfamiliar with his work, you might want to Google him. He is strange sort of bird in many ways.

You can't imagine how embarrassing either of these were to get.

I was in a local antique store a few weeks back and found a treasure box full of old lead type sorts, used for letterpress printing. I...
Continue reading ...

In January My fish died and for 20 days I cried and lamented. In February My best friend said I was crazy and extremely demented. In March I moved into my new home. I couldn’t buy so I rented. In April I won an award, but wasn’t there when it was presented. In May My new neighbour’s loud music caused me to be tormented. In June My best friend said he was going to have me committed.

In July I found out that I was sexually oriented. In August I did a very small sin, but never repented. In September I...

Continue reading ...

From Bob, Peanut, Charlie, Lucy, maybe the innocent bystander, and I…have a very nice holiday. Have a cracking Christmas, a happy Hanukkah, an inkwedible Kwanza'a, a wonderful Winter Solstice, a naughty New Year, and a ________ _________ (fill in the blank in case I missed something accidentally)!

Continue reading ...

I am sure this original ad, which I updated a little bit, was quite the scandalous image during its time. For some reason I almost see young boys hiding such an image under their mattress or sharing it secretly with their friends, with a lot of 'oohing' and 'ahhing.' In a very short span of time we have certainly come a long way in what is acceptable and unacceptable. I was reminded of this during one of my recent classroom discussions on censorship in advertising. Today we are constantly bei...
Continue reading ...

Continue reading ...

Teaching design, and more specifically typography, I am often aware of how easily one change of a word could alter the meaning drastically. Poor Tyler must have suffered major hemorrhoids on this one. If you are one of the true believers that believes every written word is the gospel truth, then there is now no reason why any woman can complain about childbirth. Tyler has everyone beat. Bless him.

It has been two years since the amazing feat. I wonder if he has healed from his surprise bowel ...
Continue reading ...

In their quest for newsstand “pop,” many magazines design their covers in such a way that the logotype is almost an afterthought. Titles of magazines are often partly blotted out by celebrity heads, torsos, hair, and other body parts. This April 2005 cover of Parents magazine demonstrates the perils of this design technique. Fortunately this is a spoof on the trend. However, it still appealed to the juvenile in me and I must admit I was wondering momentarily if it was indeed real. Oh the ...
Continue reading ...

Somebody should really think before they design. I have heard some people describe their food as tasting like 'ass,' but this puts a new twist on it. Who really cares if their ass is open at 6 in the morning? It is far too early for ass.

Continue reading ...

Fuchsia lips press forcefully against my own.
Dear Aunty Pearl once again makes her mark.

What sin have I committed to deserve such affection?
Permanently stained on my collar,
                on my glasses,
                       on my face.
I stand with a stiff embrace,
waiting for the pagan ritual to end.

Escaping to the garden as she makes her tea,
twenty-three years have gone and,
I am still a victim of her wanting lips.

The purplish red tulips
my mother planted for me stand erect
beckoning he...
Continue reading ...

I am much better suited to the city life. Where I lived in Uzbekistan wasn’t exactly rural, but certainly in comparison to London – definitely. For a start I hear you aren’t supposed to name your chickens as they aren’t meant to be your pets, but how else could I tell them apart? Sheryl, named after my sister who growing up was nicknamed by family members as ‘mother hen’ seemed a natural choice. Evidently when I was very small she felt like I was her baby and therefore coddled to ...
Continue reading ...

I can't recall how many times a day I tell my students to save their work. I almost want to have a push button that belts out the message on a regular basis. On my home computer I have it set up to save automatically but it is not possible on the University computers. Ultimately I get busy and forget to remind them until suddenly a hand goes up and a look of desperation is staring me in the face. Yes, it happens.

This is the frustrating part of working with computers. Thankfully it isn't an e...
Continue reading ...

If you are alive, you have undoubtedly experienced at least to some measure the frustration of new technology. Though it is often thought of as an "age" thing when frustrations occur, I know from working with university students that they too have problems figuring it all out.

It is like the quote, often referred to the opposite gender (you fill in the blank)…"_______, you can't live with them. You can't live without them."

So it is with technology. As soon as I figure out my old 35 mm. I am ...
Continue reading ...

As I was drinking oolong tea and wearing my karakul hat,
I recalled a time of years gone by when I bought my first water rat.
I was ignorant then of its importance and thought it a mere covering for hair.
I soon realised that when choosing a hat, one must take the greatest of care.

To sport a water rat, when you should clearly be wearing a mink,
is to announce to the world and for all to see that you simply cannot think.
The measure of man isn’t his penis, his muscles or hair on his chest.
But the...
Continue reading ...

Diversity is a wonderful thing, isn't it? One of my favourite subjects to teach is typography. I love the multitude of type faces and families which we have at our disposal in this digital age. As I not only teach typography, but take students from prehistoric man and the cave paintings to the ever-changing digital world, I am reminded how far man has come in their ability to communicate with one another. I love the connotative elements of the different fonts. This comic is used to encourage ...
Continue reading ...

For one to fully understand the below poem, you have to be acquainted with Cockney rhyming slang. It is said the true Londoners live within a mile of the Bow Bells and it is in this area that rhyming slang developed. Cockney rhyming slang has uncertain roots. One popular belief was that it was once spoken by the thieves of London. It would certainly have been a very effective code, being incomprehensible to the authorities or any eavesdroppers who were not familiar with the slang. There are o...
Continue reading ...

It is no wonder ladies often have more patience than their male counterparts. They get enough practice in public places. Though there are many reasons to be thankful for being a man, I often say a little "thanks" as I pass the ladies as they are waiting for the loo. Sorry ladies!

Continue reading ...

There are many benefits to Photoshop. If you would like private lessons, please contact me. I can do wonders with a lot! I'm really 95, but you can't tell it from my photo, can you? This is the easiest diet plan out there. It will remove excess fat, remove wrinkles, crows feet, and double chins. Who needs a tummy tuck? Photoshop can do it all with a simple click or two of the mouse. Fight obesity. Learn PHOTOSHOP!

Continue reading ...

Anybody who has ever touched a keyboard has probably thought of similar things to do with that computer. Incredibly it has changed our life. As in everything there are positives and negatives. I recall some years ago when somebody was talking about how they needed to upgrade their computer because theirs was too slow, and thinking to myself there must be better ways to spend your money. It is probably indicative of our lives generally in the West, and even more so in the USA. I remember reply...
Continue reading ...

Teaching typography I am often looking for ways to show my odd sense of humour and have it translated into a lesson. Here's one of my comics! Click on image for more detail.

Continue reading ...

If my name was Betty Windsor and Philip was my queen,
I would travel around the world, demanding to be seen.
I’d sail to every sea port and claim them each my own,
and then I’d fly to every land, establishing my throne.

Perhaps I’d have grandchildren and call them Corgi names.
I’d ban those Greek Olympics and start my own world games.
I would use blue rinse in my hair, with streaks of pinks and greens
and hang out with the Londoners in skin tight studded jeans.

I’d have a topless bodyguard...
Continue reading ...